Breaking Up and Really Moving On

Have you ever gone through a break-up? Maybe you were the one doing the leaving, maybe it was mutual, or maybe you were the one who was left.

As tempting as it is to put “All By Myself” on repeat and devolve into a Bridget Jones-esque episode of low self esteem and general malaise, there is a way to break up in a healthy way.

This does not guarantee that the process will be pain-free. If the relationship was any good (and even if it was bad) suddenly facing the reality that you are now solo isn’t always easy. There are few times in life when we’re genuinely really happy that a relationship has ended. If you are the lucky few who are in the boat, then stop reading.

But if you are not one of those people…

Remember some key points:

  • Realize that this is a step forward. Moving forward doesn’t always feel good, but there should be some sense of peace.
  • Start to really separate yourself from the other person. Develop great boundaries. It is hard to move on if you are still emotionally (or physically) entangled with someone else. There are times when you have connections you can’t change (like children) but that doesn’t mean that this person is part of you. Your role has now shifted, and that means the dynamics of your relationship change too.
  • Resist finding another emotional fill-in. Don’t jump into a new relationship without first taking some time out for yourself. Even if you meet “the one” the very next day – wait! Guess what? If that person really truly is the right one today, then they will be that tomorrow. And next month. And next year. Trust me on this: don’t rush in on something you aren’t ready for.
  • And finally, invest in the relationships you do have right now! Take your friends up on buying you ice cream, or taking you out.